Thursday, May 04, 2006
Noise of Silence
You think silence is really silent? When I’m all alone in my room, I generally prefer lying on the bed with the lights switched off, the windows open, with the fresh air coming in…feels wonderful na?such soothing, peaceful moment,right?but…have u ever been able to lay just like that keeping your mind switched off..lights will bring darkness, darkness in the room, in ur mind...my mind starts thinking, about things I felt bad about, things that hurt me..I try to stop it but I can’t...I feel so helpless…I feel like running away but from whom and to where? I feel like talking to someone but with whom, who will understand, share, make me feel better...There is noone, noone left for me...Its really strange, I tried to have a silent peaceful moment but I’m helpless,restless..This screaming voice in my head is making me deaf, this bright light of darkness in my life is making me blind,paralysed…So u still think that the noise on the roads, of the loud rock music played at your neighbors flat is more painful that the noise of silence, the noise of loneliness…Think again!!
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I believe by silence we normally mean where there is no noise from outside. That means our external senses are not registering anything from outside.
But is that all? Why do we dream when we sleep? Why do we indulge ourselves in vicarious pleasure? Why sometimes, while reading a boring textbook, we sometimes get lost in the world of imagination? The answer is that there are some needs of our inside, which may not always be transformed into wants.
So our inside keeps on screeming, but we keep on ignoring it, amidst the even louder noise outside... So the discontent increases. We do not understand what has got wrong, but at the same time understand that somehow we are losing happiness.
Worst, for the solution, we indulge ourselves more in external pleasure, so that we can temporarily forget this cry of inside. We might go to see movies, start frequenting pubs, or get addicted to internet. But crying keeps on rising further, until one day, we can no longer bear the "Noise of Silence"...
It is a maddening feeling, true. You can run, but you cannot hide...
But, we can address to the noise. After all, it me who is crying! Just like a caring mother caresses her child, we have to take care of ourselves. Myself is the only one my inside looks upon for care. Whom else can it tell that why is it sad?...
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